Why I cannot fellowship with brothers committing adultery
"I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people.
Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world...
But now I have written unto you not to keep company with anyone name a brother,
who is sexually immoral...not even to eat with such a person."
1 Corinthians 5:9-11
This letter expresses why I cannot fellowship with those people who
are "called believers", who by remarriage are committing adultery, as
spoken by Jesus in Matthew 5:32, 19:9, Luke 16:18, and Mark 10:11-12.
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Dear brother,
God put on my heart the need to write you and express why I do not
fellowship with you. I don't write this letter as way of rebuke, but only
to encourage you in your walk, and hoping that you will consider what
I have to say and seek if there is any truth here.
I feel that I need to give you a short background of where I am coming from.
Seven years ago my wife left me. She told me she was in love with someone else.
I planned to go home one day and commit suicide by inhaling carbon monoxide:
running my car in my closed garage. Before I left work that day, God put on
my heart that I should talk with someone at work that day before I went home.
The guy I talked with told me that my problem was not my wife. My problem was
that I needed to get right with God. At that time, I prayed "God, I don't want
to live for myself any longer. If I live, I live for you." I didn't realize
everything that happened at that moment. But ever since that decision, my life
completely changed. That is, I received the power of the Holy Spirit in my life,
which has taught me to say no to ungodliness.
However, the pain has still never ended. For the next five years, I would pray
daily that God would take me home, because the pain was too much to bear. I
spent many days in on drug therapy, and went through bouts of extreme depression,
not being able to work for days at a time. All this because my wife thought
it was more important to live her life as was pleasing to herself, and not to God.
And just two months ago, I found out that she remarried.
When I read the scriptures, I do not see that I am to remarry.
Many people, actually many "Christians", have given me a hard time about
this as well, which has made staying unmarried a difficult course of action for me.
Jesus very plainly spoke about the issue of remarriage:
"...whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery."
Matthew 5:32
"...whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
Matthew 19:9
"...whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery."
Luke 16:18
Some have speculated that to ask forgiveness for the sin of adultery
will cleanse the person once and for all. But as far as I can tell,
every time adultery ("mochaio") is speaking about the actual act of
sexual immorality, not the state of the person. Paul makes this
clear in Romans 7:3
"So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man,
she will be called an adulteress;
but if her husband dies, she is free from that law,
so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man."
She does not cease to be called an adulteress until her husband dies.
At which time, she is no adulteress. Clearly, she is an adulterous
as long as her husband still lives.
God has put this entire situation of remarriage and adultery heavily on
my heart. When we look at the church in America today, it is in a devastating
situation. The divorce and remarriage rates appear to be even higher within
the church, than on the outside. I believe this is mainly due to the lack
of the churches responsibility to practice church discipline in the case
of remarriage. In other words, to condemn remarriage in the case of a
divorced woman, or a man that puts away his wife and marries another,
as adulterous.
THE EARLY CHURCH
It is interesting to note, that for over a thousand years, there was
not a single dissenting voice on the issue of divorce and remarriage.
All the early church fathers spoke with one voice on the issue. Not
only were these men that lived very much in the time of Jesus. Most
of them were severely persecuted or tortured for their faith. Each
taugh the same doctrine, each held the same opinion and each enforced
the same moral standards. It has been written by the early church Fathers:
"if he divorces his wife and marry another, he too commits adultery."
Hermas A.D. 90, The Shepherd 4:1:6
"Whoever marries a woman who has been divorced from another husband, commits adultery."
Justin Martry, A.D. 151, First Apology 15
"Whoever takes a divorced woman as wife commits adultery."
Clement of Alexandria, A.D. 208, Miscellanies 2:23:145:3
"Just as the woman is an adulteress, even though she seems to be married to a man,
while a former husband yet lives, so also the man who seems to marry who has
been divorced does not marry her, but, according to the declaration of our Savior,
he commits adultery with her."
Origen, A.D. 248, commentaries on Matthew 14:24
"A man who marries another man's wife who has been taken away from him will
be charged with adultery..."
Basil the Great, A.D. 375, Amphilochius 199:37
"A woman begins to be the wife of no later husband unless she has ceased
to be the wife of a former one. She will cease to be the wife of a former
one, however, if that husband, should die, not if he commit adultery."
Augustine, A.D. 419
Even in India today, no pastor will perform a second marriage. Moreover,
the church will not recognize any second marriage, unless the spouse from
the first marriage has passed away.
WE MUST DENY OURSELVES
My wife divorced me. I never consented to the divorce, or signed papers agreeing
to the divorce. I said I would not. She has remarried, and now she is an
adulteress. I have no intention to remarry, although in my flesh I would very
much like to remarry. As long as she lives, she still is the wife of my covenant,
whether I like it or not. So, I intend to live a life of celibacy, at least
until she dies.
Even this has been a very difficult thing for me to grasp: just alone, the possibility
of never having a family. However, it really helps me when I think of how much
Jesus suffered on the cross (Hebrews 12:3,1Pe 2:20-21). And furthermore, it helps
me to see how God's servants have suffered throughout history for righteousness sake.
For example, I am reminded of the faith of Moses:
"...choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God
than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, esteeming the reproach
of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt;
for he looked to the reward."
Hebrews 11:27
I look at all the Saints today that are tortured for their faith, that are
suffering in prison, that live in solitary confinement. And I think, what
is a life of celibacy? It is nothing compared to what these saints have
suffered. And I am reminded of Jesus' saying:
"If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself,
and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.
For whoever desires to save his life will lose it,
but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it."
Luke 9:23-24
Jesus is asking us to deny ourselves. If we want to follow Christ,
we must deny ourselves. And so I ask: what is true repentance?
If the thief restored fourfold at his conviction of sin, what should
be our response, when we have remarried in direct contradiction to
the Word of God, and are in an adulterous relationship? In the case
of Ezra, it was (1) to confess their sin "we have trespassed against our
God" (Ezra 10:2) and (2) to make restitution "let us make a covenant
with our God to put away all these wives and those who have been
born to them." (Ezra 10:3). This was a true act of repentance.
We cannot choose to live our lives however we want. If we have
received Jesus Christ, we are no longer our own:
"Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the
Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are
not your own?
For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your
body and in your spirit, which are God's."
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
We are not our own, we have been bought with a price.
We have no right to our lives.
We are to become slaves of righteousness (Romans 6:18).
We are to overcome sin, by the grace that has been given us.
We are never to use grace as a reason to stay in sin (1Co 6:1-2,15 & Jude 4).
For seven years I prayed that God would prevent my wife from remarrying.
But he did not. I believe it was for a purpose that He allowed her to
remarry, the same purpose that Hosea had, that we could feel what is
what like to have a wife committing adultery, so that we might be able
to understand just a little bit what pain Jesus is experiencing because
of the immorality in His church. John recorded Jesus' view of this
matter:
"But I have a few things against you, because you
have there those who hold the doctrine of Balaam,
who taught Balak to put a stumbling block before the
children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed to idols,
and to commit sexual immorality.
Repent, or else I will come to you quickly and
will fight against them with the sword of My mouth."
Revelation 2:14,16
I only hope that you will consider what I have written and consider
what is your response to God? When I look at your situation and think
about my wife being in the same situation as your wife, it hurts me very deeply.
with love in Christ,
a fellow servant
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